Okay

Jake - Matt Carter

Jake - Me

me - my sister(not as excited as me apparently)

Jake - my dad - Matt Carter

Its been a while since i've written.  im sure you all missed me : P

Anyways its monday morning... and it feels like Monday morning.  I had maybe two hours of sleep last night.  I just couldn't get comfortable at all, and on top of it.. my husband wouldn't stop hogging the bed.  But oh well.  What can I do.

I had this really cool dream that I found this awesome clothing store.  I wish it was real, because the clothes were amazing.. its funny though, because even in my dream I couldn't afford any of it : (

sigh...

Well, Jake and I spent last weekend with his family up north.  It was really nice to see them again. It makes me sad sometimes that we hardly get to see them due to the long drive, but you have to do what you have to do.

We spent all saturday at his grandparents lake.  I watched Jake ride around on the knee board and tube with envy and tried my best to get some sort of tan with no avail.  For some reason I didn't even bother with getting in the water until about the last 40 minutes we were there and once I was in on the raft I didn't want to leave!  Which made it a real bummer when we had to get out :(

 On Sunday John David played at  church and when he sang holy surrender.. i think thats what its called... I balled like a baby!  I didn't even make it to the second verse before i felt myself choke up and tears running down my face.  I was just over taken.  I love that but at the same time I don't because I feel goofy, even though I shouldn't care what people think.

The funny thing though was Im listening to this song, crying, arms raised in praise to the lord and THEN... Someone in front of me farted.  And I don't mean like a little fart, i mean like someone really needs to go the bathroom fart! I just had to laugh to myself that something like that would happen and I still think it was God making a haha.  I have no doubt that God has a sense of humor, and a good one at that.  After the song ended Jake and I just had to burst out laughing because Jake also had that moment I had, feeling Gods overwhelming presence before turning green from someone's gas.  What a nice trip it was.  It went by too fast.

Friday

Reasons why work has been great so far:

- Dr pepper

- Free Jimmy Johns

- Fusball

- Milk Duds

- Einstein Bagels

- Muse Live in London DVD on the bigscreen

- Friday

- air conditioning

- Green grass backgrounds

- baby butt

- ball chairs

- Smiles

Somedays I just really love my job.. I don't even care that its raining.

Its so cute...

When you get the hiccups.  I feel like I know you a little better.  I can just imagine your cute little face (even though i dreamt the other night it was deformed : /... )  I also like how you seem to enjoy pushing your butt up into my ribcage, it hurts but its fun to grab and poke  and watch you squirm away.  I tried the ring test the other day to see if you were a girl or a boy, but it kinda went back and forth and in circles so I dunno.  Mom says you are a hermaphrodite but I hope not, I think you just really want to surprise everyone!

I went to Einstein bagels with my Dad this morning and a women asked how far a long I was.  I told her and then she said I was really small and looked at me like I was lying to her.  She asked what you were and I said it was a surprise and then my dad said " we waited for both our kids and found it much more exciting "  Then the Lady said... "so you already have two kids??" ( to me ) 

GROSSSSSS she thought my dad was your daddy! ewww  I had a feeling people probably thought that when they see me and dad out all the time but Jake said i was paranoid.  now I know.  I think i should wear a sign.

P.S. I love you, but Im afraid of what you are going to do the Mrs. later!!  Ahh!

WHat?

I found this interesting...

I was right....

My mom is pissed at me.  I couldn't believe her the other day, I was so mad...

She brought it up by saying "Did you even think to ask Jake before you asked Mandy to be there??"  I was like.. umm yeah and he doesn't care.  and she was like "well i bet it probably really bothers him and he just doesn't want to say anything."  Im like.. No mom, he doesn't care.  He understands that I am going to be going through a lot and wants me to do what I think is best.  I was like.. I think its bothering you not him. Then she was like  "I just think its bullshit"  I couldn't believe it.  I was like, how is it bull shit that I want to have someone there to help me know what to do??? and shes like... "you are so selfish all the time. This was important to me and you made it all shit now"  Im like.. wtf???  This isn't about YOU.  I am the one who has to push a damn human being out of me and you are calling me selfish because I want someone to help me??  " Every woman that would be around has had a baby and you could just use the doctor for help"  Im like no mom, you don't get it the doctor doesn't coach you.. they do what they have to do and thats it.  And no one in our whole family whos still alive has ever given birth naturally and its completely different.

Anyways... I will stop reciting all that went on but it went on for a while and involved a lot of screaming.  I was soo mad at her, I can't even explain it.  Then she asked me why the hell I was giving birth naturally anyways.  

I mean maybe I am wrong, but it seems to me that it should be my decision what I do.  I want to feel comfortable when its time to do this, and have someone there who has been through it.  my doctor has never even given birth natural..   I just think its messed up that my mother has made this somehow all about her.  She drives me out of my mind sometimes, trying to rule my whole damn life.  This totally sucks now, because I don't want to go through labor and have to worry about hurting my moms feelings because Im taking away from HER special day.  I wish she would act like she actually cared what I thought about something for one damn moment.  If I don't listen to her and do what she thinks needs to happen, then Im a selfish bitch.  Im sick of her guilt trips.  Im sick of her making me feel like crap.  Sometimes I just want to move to another state again so I can make my own decisions for once without her breathing down my neck, barking orders about this and that.  I can't take it anymore. 

Am I wrong to feel this way???