Saturday, September 18, 2010

Journal followup

Its been some time since I've posted so before I go into anything else I should follow up with the journal thing.

Sometime ago, I was struggling spiritually again. I felt tired, beat down, lifeless. I can not believe how depressed I was about this stupid journal! My prayer life, like I said, was lacking and therefore I had become so withdrawn from the Lord. It was in this time that I finally decided enough is enough. That I did not need a journal to pray and it was time to press back in.
Papa met me in this moment and recharged my life! My relationship with him has been made even stronger I feel, and its so good to be able to meet him anytime, anyplace... no matter if I have my journal to write everything out or not.
Before this time I was praying a lot that the Lord would help me find my journal, and I found myself getting frustrated that it didn't seem to be getting answered. Then on a totally random day, after I had starting praying to the Lord and pressing in I found my journal in a completely random place, while looking for something else.

That evening i was sitting in bed, reading through old entries, getting ready to write a new one when a realization came to me. The Lord still answered my prayer to find my journal, but he did not allow me to find it until i was ready to come to him without it. I couldn't help but smile at how great of a father he is, and how subtly he teaches us and grows us in every aspect of our lives. He is SOO involved with us and growing us in anyway he can, even by taking something away so small as a journal for a time in order to draw us closer to him. I absolutely love these moments, even if they are hard...where I can just sit back and reflect on how beautiful he is.
ahhhh :)