slumber party

Last night I dreamt of cleaning robots....

I could use one of those

Panic

Jake turns 24 this sunday....

Tuesday is our one year anniversary.  Never would have thought I would be spending it preggo..... I wonder what we are going to do?

Body Snatchers...

So i've been feeling.. not myself lately.

I know its the hormones.  it has to be, and I really don't like it.

I hate being moody, and never really thought of myself as a moody person before and liked that about me.  However things have changed.  It seems as though (usually around 6 pm) I am taken over by these nasty hormone body snatchers, which turn me into an angry, jealous, irritable person.  Its not me.  I know when I am getting that way too, and when Im being mean or whatever, yet it seems that there is nothing I can do about it.  Jake hates it.  I don't blame him, but I wish he cut me a little more slack.  Its just when I get like this.. the last thing I want to do is talk about the way im acting.. or really talk in general.. however Jake is always trying to do otherwise.  I feel bad because Jake will usually end our angry hormonal fight with "I want my wife back." or "what happened to the sweet woman I married."  and of course i usually respond with "I killed her." or something along those lines.  Who am I????

I also find that i want to fight people.  Even for no reason at all.  Like the person who refused to go faster than 25 mph last night.. I wanted to ram them off the road, punch through their window, pull them out of there car and punch them in their stupid punchable face.  What??!!

I daydream about being at a bar and some stupid female coming up to my man and makin the moves, so i am forced to challenge her to duel.  Of course in reality if this ever happened.. im sure Jake would never let me go through with it (because that is just Jakes personality) however in the daydream of mine, he just stands back and watches me completely dominate.

Now Im not going to lie.  I've day dreamed about fighting and kicking ass many a time prior to getting knocked up, however it seems more prevalent now.  

I also find that I am more jealous now than ever in my life.  I get jealous when my friends hang out without me, or when Jake goes and hangs out with people which never would bother me before.  I suppose its because I feel like I can't do anything, so no one wants to hang out with me.  I can't go to the bars or clubs or whatever because Im knocked up and under aged so what fun am I right?

So jake is going to Crew fest with Sean hadden and of course I am upset  again?  Why this is selfish of me I know... it must be because I cannot go.  Jake is taking my sister and her friends with my father to warped tour and once again i am upset.  Why? because preggo can't come along.  

who is this jealous angry person?? I don't know you.. get out of my body.  Damn hormones.. go pick on someone else.. 

I just want to ask God why?  Why??  Why did you make pregnant women so hormonal in the end???  To test how much our husbands REALLy love us "good times and bad??"  I mean isn't being hot all the time, cramping, getting stuck in couches, peeing constantly, feeling like a beached whale, swollen feet, head ache, tiredness, and fat ass enough?  Why doesn't the bible explain this more.  Oh yeah Eve's punishment right??  Well you know what Eve... You suck.

Last Night..

I had a dream about the end of the world.    Some of it I was in and a lot of it I was just watching I guess.  Anyways, there is a lot to it that I'm sure I'm forgetting but I do want to tell you all about it because it was very strange... and a little disturbing.  

It started off with me watching the majority of it...

People were no longer allowed to have anything to do with God. Any sort of temple, church or whatever were destroyed. Bibles were burned and you were killed just for saying the word "God".  The man who did all this seemed to want absolute control.  I was under the impression that this man wanted to be God himself.  There was a lot of fighting going on it seemed.  Many buildings and homes were being burned and destroyed.  People of faith were killed publicly in all sorts of different ways.

Then there was the rain.  It rained so much. sometimes it would flood really bad and kill lots of people and animals.  The vegetation around started dying out from all the rain.  There was a food shortage due to the lack of vegetation anywhere and the depletion of livestock.  There were some fish and creatures of the water, but they were dangerous to eat because the water had also brought a lot of diseases.   People then started dying everywhere from either starvation or some sort of nasty disease.  Some people were even resorting to cannibalism.

In the dream, it seemed I was shown all these things so I would understand what was going on before I was thrown into it all.  There are some pieces missing but what I remember the most was wandering around.

The city or town that I was in was almost completely destroyed.  All the trees were dead. Cars were abandoned everywhere and the buildings were all crumbling away.  It seemed I was looking for someone, my family I think but i don't remember.  There were people around but they most stayed inside.  The people I could see were deformed from either the effects of the war, or because they had gotten one of the many diseases.  They were really scary and would stare at me in the shadows as I went by, some following me.  I searched and searched for what seemed like hours and it appeared most people were gone, and those who were alive were crazy or dying.  Then there was a little girl in rags playing around a building.  I walked past her and she ran over to me. "I bet you have never seen a mango before!" she said " I have one you know. Do you want a mango??" She asked me, but before I could say anything she yelled at a smaller girl who was playing in the shadows to go get the mangos.  Then the smaller girl came out holding a bag of grapefruits, only they were extremely rotten and moldy, most of them were blue-green and fuzzy, but there was one on top that still had some yellow.  The first girl reached in the bag and pulled out the yellowish one and held it out to me.  The rags she was wearing covered most of her body but when she held out the fruit I could see that part of her arm and hand was covered in open wounds.  Some of the skin was falling off and there were black wart looking things around her fingers.  They wanted me to stay with them but I was scared suddenly and ran off, so they started throwing rocks at me as i ran.

Then my alarm went off.

Lipstick

I have found my new favorite addiction. sharp cheddar cheese and cream cheese and chive wheat thins. WoW.

I went to the the doctor yesterday. I was really disappointed for some reason.  I guess I was hoping that the symptoms I have been feeling ( cramping, nausea, BH contractions and the increased pressure on my bladder ) were early signs of labor. However they appear to be normal : '(  I don't want to wait until august for this baby to come. I want it out now dammit! 

I've been a little depressed lately.  I have been wanting to go out and get some new craft supplies but I am no longer allowed to do so.  For those who don't know, where some people have obsessions with purchasing shoes or something.. I have with crafts.  I LOVE buying crafts and never finishing projects.  Usually its because I get frustrated that what Im making isn't coming out perfect.. other times Its just my ADD that attracts me to some other new craft instead.

Anyways.. Now that I am married, I can no longer REALLY spend money on whatever I want without first talking about it.  ( Im sure this wouldn't be an issue if we weren't so broke)  Jake used to let me get the craft I wanted until he finally caught on.  Apparently he feels the tubs filled with yarn, knitting and crochet needles, THOUSANDS of beads of all types, colored pencils, and more should be enough for any sort of craft craving I have.  Also the fact that I have yet to use my new sewing machine I begged for for christmas  hasn't really helped : (  My defense for that however is... How am i supposed to use my sewing machine if you won't let me get any fabric??!! ahh ha!

::sigh::

Maybe i should finally use those books for making baby booties and blankets with crochet... like I had originally planned on doing  4 months ago.  By the time I finish that project my child will probably be graduating from high school.

Oh well.  Maybe I just need someone to come over and do crafts with me that I already have??

hmmm

Last night

I dreamt that I had a little baby boy and he had a HUGE baby penis!!  Weird.

Thanks for coming over to my parents Tara.  Sorry we couldn't watch intervention. My dad was being a BAD FRIEND.

SYTYCD?

I am in love with this show.  Probably because I wish I could do what these people do sooo bad.  I just wish i could start over and start dancing when I was like 2 or something so I could be amazing like this.

Mia Michaels is the most amazing Choreographer in my opinion.  Her dances are like artwork... and she always tells some sort of story, and they NEVER lack in feeling.  When I see them I can't look away and I wish so badly that I could be the one dancing them.  I have no idea how she comes up with these amazing dances all the time... Shes amazing.

Im going to post both of her videos because I just thought they were awesome and luckily some of the better couples performed them.  nvmd.. i can only find one : (