Monday, May 19, 2008

Death in the family.

Friday my dog killed my parrot Socrates.  
people who aren't animal lovers couldn't possibly understand the way I feel... the way it felt the moment I found out.  I have never really had a person in my family die that i knew very well, and after the pain i felt losing an animal I loved, I can't imagine what it would be like.
Thats why my whole post is dedicated to Socrates.  Im sorry if you think its gay.  Its not about what you think.  Its about the way I feel.  

Im not good at bouncing back.



Sometimes im not sure im cut out for this. Growing up.
A little over a year ago I was living my life as a rambler.  Its strange how some of the hardest times in your life become the ones you miss the most.


I don't miss always being hungry.
I don't miss sleeping on the dock.
I don't miss walking a million miles a day
I don't miss him....

but I do miss living life day to day.
I miss the excitement.
I miss the people I met.
I miss the conversation.
I miss not knowing what to expect.

Now a days my life seems so boring.  So planned, so routine.
Im going to be a mom.  
I feel so young and so old at the same time.

I get excited when i feel this little life move around inside of me.  I can't wait to see you.
Im scared that Im not ready, that I won't know what to do.  I don't want to fail  you.
Im depressed that things will never be the same.  I'm scared of what you bring.

I love you so much. But do me a favor baby, don't reply.
because I can dish it out, but i can't take it.

2 comments:

TARA! said...

i like that people i like are finally starting to blog.

Megan said...

yeah what tara said....

(except for i just hopped on the bandwagon too!)
just another way for us to stalk each other! cool.