ranting..

I don't know if I can blame it on hormones or if its just normal to feel this way.. but I find myself becoming annoyingly jealous of strange things..

for example:

I find that when I hear stories of Jakes past and they happen to involve a girl he was with in some way or another, I find myself feeling jealous and I HATE that feeling.  Why am I going to feel jealous about something like that?  I mean its not like he knew me back then.. and its not like I don't have my own share of past lovers or friends that are male.  I feel lame and I hate it.  I just hate the way it feels to be jealous.  i hate knowing that Im not the only girl thats been in his life, even though hes not the only male thats been in mine.

 I find myself getting jealous of the time my mom will be spending with my baby while I am working.  I hate how she tells me which things I get to have for the baby and which things are hers...(which seems like all the good stuff!)  I hate that i have to work still.  I don't want my baby to love her more than me.. i know that sounds so stupid, but i dunno.

 I get jealous when my friends hangout with each other without me.  This is super lame as well I know.  It still sucks.

 This is REALLY stupid... I am jealous that my sister is treated differently than I was at her age. Curfew wise, discipline wise, spoiled wise...  i HATE it    I feel like im a little girl when it upsets me. I know its foolish.  however somehow I can't help but feel this way.

Im  jealous of people who can do things I can't do like its nothing.

Im jealous of people with awesome hair and faces that look good with any cut...

Also my lack of a baby's room is depressing me lately.  I just don't have anywhere to put all the babies stuff and its making me sad.  I can't decorate anything and my apartment is cluttered and always feels dirty to me..  I feel like a shitty mom who can't provide for her child.

Sorry about the Emo-ness

it happens